I am very positive about 2023 from start of the year and the only reason I  think behind this is that 2022 was very testing and traumatic for me. I could see all the things moving away from me and had little to no hope about most of the them. But by the time the year was ending,few things in my life started changing or in other words I finally was able to change few things and few patterns too. And just the feel of those changes infused hope in me.So I decided to infuse abundance of hope this year by bringing in lot of changes

It was strange for me initially,because the person I am- I personally never liked changes or was way too rigid about the things,people,places I have around me and was just not ready to accept change in any form. So to feel hope after changing few pattern was new and a strange feeling to me. Do I like changes now or not is one question that comes to my mind more frequently,hope I get the answer soon

As a person,I get attached to my things at extreme level whether that be any person,thing,place or memory so changes have never been easy for me. To give few examples,I currently have third Motorola phone when even I know they are not great and some better options are available,last whole year I was keeping a wallet which was in terrible state but I didn't changed it because it was gifted by a good friend, I keep ordering the same food almost each day of previous year,I am even particular about sitting in particular metro compartment,I keep wearing the same shirt/jacket for many years and when I replace it I replace it with exact same copy from same brand. I have been using one jacket since 9.5 years but just couldn't let go of it. The case is even worst when it comes to people and place. 

The reason of documenting this is to process how exactly I feel now, when March of 2023 is about to end.The year I am very positive about,the year which has started with lot of changes,few of them which were deferred for a long time ,few which took a lot of courage to do and few I wanted to change specially not to feel stuck. Though the positivity is there but during nights like today before going to bed,my inner self even asks me- will you be able to pull this off ? Will you be able to accept the new thing? Will it be all good? Are you doing too much at one go? 

This could be a normal fear of uncertainty for most but for someone who never liked change,it's a kind of heavy feeling. Although most of the changes I am around at the moment are pretty huge life events, luckily they all are positive still these questions keeps making me nervous. 

Another question that knocks the door of my mind is that will these changes actually bring the missing part for me back ,that I keep on chasing without knowing what it actually is. If it is a person or passion,If  it is settling down or achieving something . Hopefully I get closer to that with these changes. Afterall this is the year I am very positive about. 

To name few changes taking place around me : 

1) Changing my first job after 3.5 years and moving on to a role with bigger responsibility and challenges. 

2) Moving to permanent wfh. (I love working from offices and am attached to every single thing in about office)

3) Moving to a new house after 18.5 years,this is going to be huge considering all memories I retain are of this house only and I just love each corner of this house. 

4) Social media: I am trying to change my attitude towards it and be more socially available. I started following more people, downloaded WhatsApp after 7 months, tried to keep up with most of the conversations and connect with new people. Honestly all this is not tough but I am just a bit worried about how addictive it is ,I want to get involve but not too much. Trying to find a balance ⚖️ 

5) People: I am not changing people around me,it's just that I am accepting that not everyone is there to stay and not everyone will leave,they will just play their role they have in your life.I had a very strict audit around the people in my life and concluded I want to stay around very limited people in my life now. Hope I achieve that.

Hope I end up writing how changes makes a person happy by end of this year, hope things inside me settle down ,Hope I start getting more sleep and Hope I stop eating junk. 

Ending this journal with lot of hope 

PS: To practice I changed few of my shirts,wallet,gave up on lot of things I saved in my box of memories, gave away many books,changed the theme of the website 😂😂 Childish,but needed.