Raat ki subha hui 

Thaka mann puche mjhse 

Yeh jo tu itni yaadon ko sawaare

Kya hai aisa koi insaan ya yeh bhi tera dimagi parinda h

Hoothon ki khamoshi ........ 

Kya insan h tu,khudke mann se baatein chupaye

Batade kya pata,main nikal loon tere lie upay

Hooth siley rahe,par dil ne shuru ki kahani bataani.....

Voh jispar sawaal kare tu mann,voh

Bass baaton mei hai

Bss yaadaon mei hai

Mere kamre mei rkhi kuch kitabo mei hai

Par aab usse koi baat nhi,izhaar nhi,

Ehsaas mei fir bhi voh Zinda h 

Kahi Jung ladhi h khud se lambi uske lie,

Kuch ke lie yeh dil bhi aab sharminda h 

Pass nhi voh aab ,par uski mojudgi ka ehsaas aab bhi mjhmei zinda h 

Mann hota h,usse kuch baatein kru 

Jo sath jiye,voh lambe fir jiyu 

Voh shardi ki raat mei fir chalu uske sath 

Bheed jab badh jaye fir pakad loon main hath 

Voh jhumke jo bazaar mei dekhe Maine kal,

Lelu kya ek dafa,kya dunga Jo mila usse fir?

Sunnkr yeh,Hooth bhi mere sharminda h ,puche Dil fir mjhse,

 Na khulke hase, na raat ko soye, aanshu bhi na nikle yeh kaise roye?  

Bole mjhe Pucho zara usse bhi kya uske dil mei tu aab bhi Zinda h ? 

Teri toh baaton mei zikar uska,mann mei aab bhi uski chinta h 

"Kya khayal usne rkha honga khudka,kya sath mila honga usse sab ka,kya naye dosto ko uske ghumsum hone ki wajeh smjh aati hogi, kya raaton mei usse bhi teri yaad aati hongi? "

Khamoshi hoothon ki...... 

Umeed h khush voh honge, 

mjhe yaad voh bhi ache jazbaat mei karte honge

Jab milenge,main aur voh khulke hasenge 

Baaton ko fursat de, bss sath hone ke ehsaas ko jeenge  

Tabtak meri koshish zaari h, ruthe mann ko mana lia h, sab sahi Raha toh aab mere samalhne ki baari ha

Something that I figured out recently about me is that I love social experiments and have done a lot of them on myself, sadly I don't have a white mouse here to experiment on 😄. While connecting the dots, I also realized these social experiments on my ownself are part of and similar concept to "auditing life". It is similar to finding significant wrongs in your life and amending them for the better. One such social experiment I did 6 months back was to get rid of whatsapp,although the motivation behind doing that initially was very different but now it is very different. Since today I completed 6 months and was reminded about it by an incident,I thought about writing my experience of not using the application,yet again.

The incident which reminded me: 

I received a text informing me that I exited the office group and even after trying,no one is able to add me back.I googled about the scenerio found out it is a consequence of staying inactive for long period. So it was fine,how does it matter. I don't even use that anyway was my attitude but what made me think was upon being questioned why don't I reinstall it? , my answer was that I don't have any reason to get that application which was strange for me to process as well considering I had n number of reasons why not to uninstall just few months back. 

Few months back 

I was very active on WhatsApp earlier and When I uninstalled it, I considered it a big deal for me. I was even not sure that the decision will be reversed within 6 hr or 6 days but was very sure it won't last more than that. For me, It felt like doing an impossible thing to an extent that when I completed 6 days I wrote a whole blog on it and again one after a month, and as I expressed in that last blog, the initial intention of uninstalling actually has taken a back seat and I have actually started enjoying being away from that platform.

My account has been officially deleted now for staying inactive makes me think that even though the application algorithm knows to filter out inactive people, we humans are still struggling to implement that in our life. 😉

Now the experience part

A few things I realized during this period about that application are:

1) Dissociation is not that hard. While this experiment has made me realize that getting dissociation from anything specially any addiction is not that tough as we think. Initially, it does bother you but later on, that thing will hardly matter to you. Also, felt dissociating from people is still the hardest and longest process and no other addiction can compete with it.

I still know people who will remember their parents each day even after years of them passing away, people walking miles to get a glimpse of their childhood crush, and people remembering their high school teacher after every achievement or disappointment.

Addiction of people is the biggest addiction,hence proved 😅

2) The quality of people in your life improves and quantity gets reduced:Not being on that application significantly reduces the people you interact with which also results in those formality sake conversations, the late-night short talks, and the big inactive conversations getting eliminated thus you focus and interact with few people whom you need, and who value you. Either have meaningful, important or deep conversations or no conversations at all. 

3) The big realization: The people who are genuinely invested in you and are interested will find ways to stay connected. 

I even have a fun story of one friend messaging me on the Google photos application once and then even a couple of people using SMS for needed conversations.Also, the quality of the conversation has improved significantly.

4) Whatsapp is not as necessary as we think it is: Neither is not having it is a big deal. I am sure, a few years from now,we all will move to new channel of communication and ignore this application as well, just like we did with Orkut, Facebook, Sms, and handwritten letters. 

5) Uninstalling WhatsApp doesn't have much effect on your overall communication: I still got emails for work, SMS & voice calls for important conversations. Infact not having whatsapp helps in creating invisible boundaries,which helps

6) For me, alternatives like Instagram worked better than WhatsApp for communicating with filtered-out people, Internet voice calls, video calls, and international calls, if needed. The reason I felt Instagram was a better alternative is also that I never got addicted to this application thus I am the one controlling the application, the application is still not controlling me.  I have kept it uninstalled as well for more than 3 months in last 6 month period with no effort. Also, there you can filter out the people you want to interact with and no random person can be sleek in your inbox, unlike WhatsApp these days.

7) Other people Interest: Like I mentioned in the previous article too. The fact you are not using WhatsApp gains a surprise reaction  and attracts a lot of judgmental eyes too. Some get genuinely interested in knowing the reason, some start considering you secretive, some even guess I am just being rude and not sharing the number, and some consider you stupid but one thing is for sure, this fact alone attracts lot of interest when revealed which is mostly weird for me as this made me uncomfortable at times but then value on benefits side is way high thus these reactions never discouraged to reverse my action.

8) Doesn't improve focus or serve any high hopes: My cousin who is preparing for the civil examination got influenced to do the same with intention of improving his focus. He didn't last more than 2 days but also there was no improvement in focus, the screen time for him infact increased for him as he kept on checking his phone and to avoid WhatsApp  his youtube time got increased significantly. For me too, this doesn't changed my life drastically and the only positives were the ones stated in the above points. 

Going forward:

Now after a long time has already passed, I might get back to the application anyway especially with the new year starting but then I have to find a reason or motivation to do so. 

When I left it, I only had one stupid reason to do so and a hundred reasons why not to do so but then that one was way too important to me, and still is to some extent but very honestly I don't have one single good reason why to get back on the application. All those hundred reasons have vanished along with the one why I started. This decision for me now has gone to  "doesn't matter" category.  

I am enjoying this personal space and might keep it like that for a little longer time. At times I also think about what kind of reaction rereading this article will I have in my late 20thies,30thies and hopefully 90thies 😅. The reason I write here is to have my own personal virtual journal to read when I am old.

Also,last but the most important realization: 

Any addiction can be overcome. I am thinking to try this on my fast food eating habit too, for now, that looks impossible to me but who knows? I might be able to achieve that as well afterall I KNOW THE PATH OF DISSOCIATION NOW. 

If you are still reading thank you for reading this long one. I write to gain some clarity with my thoughts and for my own shelf but seeing the organic growth in the reach of these articles makes me happy and wish that these journals of experiences, social experimenting, and auditing of life can make a positive impact on even a single person decision or life will be brownie points and make me feel good about the person I am. All selfish reasons you know. 

If you are interested in knowing the initial day experience you can read the previous blog too from the below links 

1) 1 Week without WhatsApp: Click to read

2) 1 Month without WhatsApp: Click here to read

                    Thanks, a lot, and Tada 

 1)  Besabriya

Motivational songs without high tone are rare in Bollywood. Besabriya is one such song which always ignited the eagerness and excitement in me to start working for my goals.

" Kya yeh Ujale? Kya yeh Andhere? Dono se aage hai manzar tere.  Kyu roshni tu bahaar taalashe,Teri mashaalen hai andar tere" 

These lines conveys such a beautiful yet strong message. I have them written on first page of my personal journal.

2) Fakeera (Badmash company)

Whenever I feel stuck in my comfort zone,I go back to this song which encourages to come out of comfort zone to do something for oneself,also reminds how everything is temporary in life. 

"Haathon se nikli maanzil jab yeh damaan chutth gaya, Aye Bekhabar tu benoor hokar Roshan ho gya"

3) Saiyaan

Only people with good taste remember this beautiful movie conveying the message of togetherness during up and down of life. 

This song, from the movie has also been my go to song for motivation moreover to remind me to stay humble during success and positive during a downfall. 

The scene of that small child picking up a burger from dustbin still brings tears to my eyes.Reading the comments on YouTube for this song makes me realise how this song alone has helped people stay motivated during hard times of their life. 

4) Main kya hoon (Love aaj kal)

Another saif's song with beautiful lyrics describing the two phases of a young professional life which starts with him being favourite of all the people around him to slowly loosening excitement even from his dream job. 

Initially I used to love this song for the positivity the first half of the song gave me specially with lyrics like 

" Main voh hoon jo chahu voh paun"

 

It was later that I understood the deeper message those lyrics along with movie visual conveyed, "success can mean nothing to you if you don't have your own people to celebrate it with." 

5) Kar Har Maidan Fateh (Sanju)

I went to a motivational speaker seminar and I still remember the speaker playing this song after ending his speech.The songs instantly gave me goosebumps and it still do the same for me. I don't remember even the topic of that seminar now but this song is part of almost all my playlists.

6) Phirr se uddh chala ( Rockstar)

The song was way ahead of its time and still is.I didn't understand the meaning of this song at first but felt uneasiness in my heart and now when I have listened to this song so many times ,even read the English translation of each Urdu word . I can say this is one song, which can kill any procrastinating mind.Condition that they understand each word of the masterpiece. 

7) Safar (Notebook)

I was going through a not so good phase when I heard these lines in a random reel on Instagram 

"Main safar mei hoon,Khooya nahi" 

Just listening to this one line made me search the song on Spotify and then listening to this on loop whole night just for this one line. Listening to this song after that night always provided me a sense of relief/security that this is just a phase,go through it. You are not lost. 

 

8) Chaand Taare (Yes Boss)

This song deserved to be officially announced as most positive song of all time. Being a dreamer myself,the song not only made my mood good but always encouraged me to have big dreams and never settle for less. 

Bass itna sa khawab hain 

9) Mehram (Jersey)

This movie and songs of this movie are very close to my heart. I remember playing this each morning in my office cab and going in my own zone for few minutes where my inner self will keep asking me to redeem myself to achieve my goals. 

" Reet chali arahi hai, lamhe saare qaid main karloon.Aise ghaadi arahi hai,hona hai jo dekhi jaegi . Aab kaaram hee farmaaye "

10) Jind Meriye (Jersey)

Hole se yeh raatein puche, sab soye tu nhi soya? 

Dreams are which don't let you sleep is one great quote from Dr Kalam, if he was alive I am sure instead of saying that quote he would have simply forwarded this song to people to remind them to work for their dreams till they are all fulfilled. 

11) Ek Jindari (Hindi Medium)