Why are you not using WhatsApp? How should I stay connected with you? At least download Instagram? What will you get out of it? When will you be coming back? Why don't you completely get rid of apps, why do focus mode? Are you depressed? What will you achieve out of it?
These are the kinds questions I had to answer in the past few weeks or to be precise for the last one month from the time I stopped using WhatsApp followed by snap, instagram, and other communication channels. I started it for a personal experiment with no clear objective in mind, it was like an inner sound asking me to get rid of these. This might sound weird and crazy at the same time this is how I have always taken most of my decisions, I have faith in my inner self and believe in doing whatever my gut asks me to do.
Source: Pinterest
This experiment of social media disassociation was for a week but I just felt better after the end of 7 days, not particularly achieved anything but just felt better so decided to continue till 21 days and now 30 days. To my surprise I don't feel any urge to use them even now except that I have been constantly reminded that I am missing something and fair enough, this can't be a long-term thing because of some necessities but at end of 30 days after giving different answers to different people for the above questions now I have realized why I did what I did and what I am getting out of it. Not sure if that thing is worth it or not but it's a good feeling to at least know the purpose behind my action.
I went through a rough phase recently, which was enforced by a lot of things happening around me, some of them directly related to me, some of them indirectly but in all that I was shattered. Yes, that is the correct word. For the person with a calm head, I knew this is momentary and just like good times even this rough phase has to end, and felt proud of myself for staying calm and being accepting enough during the phase. By the time I decided to uninstall or initiate disassociation, most of the things had already taken place and I was proud of myself for maturely handling things but the Thing I was now concerned about were the after-effects, yes I figured out now why my gut wanted some disassociation with the people around me and social media.
Often when we are down, it is not the actual happening that breaks us. It is the after-effects that do so, the overthinking, the memories, the late-night conversations, the gossip, the new dependency, and things like that that break you. In short, it is not the happening that breaks you. Its your reaction to that happening that breaks you.
So if I have to go by the sequence and relate how I was able to achieve a better reaction to these after-effects here is how it will go:
1) Over thinking: After a certain bad happening, our immediate reaction is to get out of it, which was already done for me but the next reaction that we usually get is thinking about the situation again and again. Reliving each of your memories, again and again, thinking how could things be any different if you did this or did that. Instead of giving some time to yourself to heal, you end up keeping that wound fresh by our overthinking.
In this scenario the WhatsApp, the social media can further make the situation worse. After all, you still might end up messaging other people at late night. You might end up saying things not to be said, you might end up revisiting your memories on social media or mutual from your past coming in for a conversation and whatnot. In such times, these communication channels become a path full of needles and what we usually forget is that we are already barefoot, weak, needy, and in easy to manipulate state. Whatever comes your way in that phase you end up believing instead of facts and reality. Who knows, you end up blaming your body for the things that happened (and end up hitting gyms) or blaming your lifestyle or your true self. If any of this happens, trust me the effects of these will remain life long so it becomes even more important to be away from that path of needles when you are not ready enough.
I remember this one line from Dear Zindagi " why do we always consider taking the tough path for success or recovery, why can't we take an easy one especially when we are not ready enough to take that tough path. "
I think I took the easy path here, which was to ghost.
2) Zero dependency: As soon as something at your house is broken, you replace that with a new one which is a human tendency. Similarly, if you have been dependent on a friend for a long time and for some reason or some time they leave you, you often end up making new friends or end up discussing this on late-night chat with someone else and for some unknown reason you can find more people in a similar situation as yours and end up becoming each other's needed shoulder. This might sound ridiculous but this is the harsh reality.
Especially for the person I am, this is not me. I am a one-person guy, when I have been with that one person I ensured that I shut down the whole world outside and now when that person is no more there I can't end up replacing them and filling that person's gap. I don't know for how long but at least not in the immediate mindset after disassociation.
Osho's word on Dependency;
3)The temporary or small conversation people: In this situation for some reason, you start noticing more people who want to connect with you, more people who are interested in your life, more people who want you in their life, or maybe they were always there, it's just that you start noticing them now.
I strongly feel all these people should be avoided and I guess my gut also felt the same and asked me to destroy the communication channel so I don't end up making the situation any worst for me or others. Also, I feel the extra time you get after someone starts being absent from your life, you should use that time to understand yourself better instead of wanting temporary relief or temporary people. You need yourself instead of someone else during this period, you need to spend more time with yourself even if that means staying home on weekends, being a couch potato, feeling lonely at night, or just having no one to share your day happening with. Keep everything to yourself, this will make you a stronger person when all this ends. This will make you an independent person with little to no emotional dependency on anyone.
Right now I am just thinking of it, how lethal a person like that can be. No expectations, no explanations, no adjustments - it isn't that I hate these things, I have been this person but now when I have an opportunity I want to be that lethal person. I think I want to be as selfish as "Bunny" of Yjhd instead of "Kabir" of Kabir thing. The harsh reality is they both are extremists and I know myself, I can't be like any of those
Healing can be fast if you have some shoulders but it will be more effective when you do it all by yourself and letting go of social media just did that for me. People who needed my shoulders or prospective shoulders I could have are all been shut. This is not as easy as it sounds but 30 days into this practice I can say, I am in better shape all by myself.
During this period, unlike my character, I even avoided my friend call who was going through a heartbreak, cut off from people who were part of my daily life at home but were under stress, and avoided counseling or connecting with anyone in grief, even disconnected with ever lost friend who was like a sister to me. All this sounds so wrong, but this was after a very long time I acted selfishly. Any help to them might have made my situation worst, so for their betterment and more for my betterment, this disassociation was a need.
4) Other stress factors: Often small negative things cumulate in your mind which later leads you to make negative decisions. This can include some random conversation in a family group, some post on your feed, some comment on your post, or some colleague's gossip. The sad thing, none of them is necessary still they affect you. The disassociation with social media helped me to be away from any such thing giving me ample time to think about myself, my own life, and having a 100% stake in my decisions.
I am not in the best of position, physically I might even be at my worst but something I have realized in this period is that I am much better at emotional space now. The journey from here won't be easy peasy but I will be in a better mindset to make decisions.
More than concluding the article I am concluding in my mind the reason why I did what I did- disassociation with social media and social media people.
Now I have my answers to people's questions, thanks to all the time I got. I didn't have an objective when I started but now I do, for how long I want to continue this- I don't know. I don't need this now but I am liking it😂 so a little longer won't harm.
In reality when I realized the objective of this disassociation:
I got the answer recently when I met a friend for 15 minutes whom I respect a lot because of the aura she carries with herself. When I met her, I got teary eyes, just 15 minutes of conversation was enough to make me replay all the memories from the past in my mind even when this person doesn't have any relation to any of the things happening. This just made me realize how I would have reacted if I would have been in constant touch with people who were part of this experience and how different or disastrous the situation could have been. Who knows what decisions I could have made or what version of "Kabir Singh" I could have become 😂 but never mind, this was not the reality. Also, I always loved the "Aditya" of jab we met more than "Kabir" of Kabir Singh...just that, there is a twist, where Aditya will go on to become a happy person after returning home, this will be a bit boring but a happy ending.
I don't know why I included this picture,just that second picture gives me hope how time changes.
Last article about the same experiment:
Few facts from the past few weeks:
1) I missed interacting with people obviously, especially the ones who always guided me to the right path. I even messaged one of them on LinkedIn and that person was why are you who messaging personal things on LinkedIn
2) Other than transferring photos via Bluetooth, I even had a conversation with a friend on Google photos shared drive. That was gross and just made me realize people who want to stay connected will find their way out.
3) My office team started sending SMS instead of WhatsApp to me. Every morning I will wake up to a message that they will be a little late to log in.
4) My phone one charge is enough for about 3-4 days now.
5) My parents have started noticing that I spend all my days at home, with no weekend plans or long phone calls but I guess they have nothing to complain about. I am giving more time to them. I have ample of it.
6) My average phone usage has come down to 1 hr a day which is mostly spent on upstox, grow and call to the cab driver, and a few SMS exchanges.
PS: At this moment I have no complaints about anyone in my life and I am grateful to a lot of people, which makes me positive about the future.I have started enjoying this process of expressing on blogs,this gives me clarity of thought just the way i concluded on something important in above paragraphs.
Tada
