and I wish 

I would have met you people in some other phase. 

I really wish you would have not seen this vulnerable side of me.

I really wish I could have shown you,opposite of what you see of me now,the real me.

I wish you would have seen for once, I preached what I say,

I wish you would have seen the persistent man,not giving up on things.

I wish you all had seen "the man" with a "boy heart" 

The flirty lines,the red shirts,the full of emotions guy

But 

I am taking rounds in a loop for now

Detaching self from even soul,forget people now. 

Waiting for magic to happen,

Forgetting the difference between, believing in magic and relying on magic. 

Trust ,I don't have it on anyone 

Insecurities I am feeding daily 

Fear is my best friend 

I wish you all would have seen me craving for walks not tv 

I wish you all would have seen me expressing,having secrets was never my thing 

Let me tell you ,my eyes lie now and my mind is lost 

I am there with you in crowd, I am absent from the moment now

Let me tell you about a time

Back then,I knew to take sides. Being indifferent was not my thing. 

The boy used to get teary eyes all the time, not crying in adverse. This is not me 

And yes,

The posters on the wall,the chime,the unused weights, the capturing tool,the old songs.....they all are helping but it is taking time 

In meanwhile,

If I am bad to you, I am your life lesson,

If I didn't respond you, don't wait. I am just your lesson

If I used you, learn me. I am your lesson 

If I wasted your time, learn the lesson of time 

If I disappointed you, have no hope from others that's your lesson for life.

If one of us was speaking all the time ,learn to speak up. This could be your lesson for life 

If I hurted you even more.Hope soon you will be fine.

It was important for me to choose me now 

All I could do is to say sorry 

I am sorry, this is just a phase . Meet me some other time,I will show you a new man with a bright smile. 

I am sorry, you are not meeting the real me

I really don't want to be this version,but it's hard not to be

I tried my best,not to involve others in this phase. 

But if we met in it,I am sorry. It is not you,it's me.

I will talk to people about magic, universe,empathy, observations but not this time 

Soon the phase will change

I will find the individuality that will be mine. 

Another expression around indvidiuallity: What is Individuality